Work was blase as I was inundated by trying to make something that has bad requirements work from a technical point of view using three shitty frameworks done through our favorite indy mudshow language javascript. Things became a mess later on as production issues surfaced where I couldn’t really do much without getting distracted and not being able to finish up my task. Then I tried talking to a friend and made a joke that she failed to interpret. That pretty much ruined the rest of my night. So you know what I say to all that? Fuck ’em.
Yup, I’m going back to the best life advice I ever received. Fuck ’em. That means, I don’t give a shit anymore. I don’t want to waste my time nor energy with drama. Then I find out that a previous QA guy I know learned that our new QA hire started today and he was trying to guilt trip me. But I’m like you already have a full time job. You had three until two canned you. And there were issues where I couldn’t trust your output. I ain’t taking shit from that.
Also, they wanted me to go in next week because the CEO has another “guest” over. Well, the last time I went in for a guest, I got sick and still am coughing up a lung. Next week on that day, it’s supposed to be raining. So I ain’t moving from my home. I’m just going to sit here and get well. I don’t want to waste my time for meeting some person that takes 1 minute compared to the other 90 min on the road and a 3 week recovery. It says remote work not in office. So I put my foot down and was like no way.
I think in general I’ve just been grumpier. This weather has sucked a lot out of me and I am a bit disappointed with my Kate McCrae bag purchase. I’m going to spend this weekend talking to that other vendor and seeing if I can really nail down the material and design.
That said, the way I dealt with all this BS was treating myself to a good dinner. After having chili for 3 days, I said that I needed a break. If I had one more meal of chili, then it’ll be for tomorrow’s lunch. Otherwise, I’m going out because it finally cleared up and I was hungry. On top of that, I had a cookie with ice cream because fuck it all.
But all this got me thinking as I drove home. It goes back to what’s important to my life. Not other people’s lives just my life and my life alone. And that boils down to getting a home sooner than later outside of California and publishing my novel. The novel really has the biggest priority and at this stage, I just need a cover artist. But I don’t care if it ends up getting criticized or pissing some group off. They can go fuck themselves with the rest of this shitty world. I’m just going to focus on that and trying to get the hell out of this retarded state so I can start saving money again for retirement.
Beyond that, I just figured that I needed to again figure out ways to make myself happy while I’m alive. I was reading some long term covid trending tag on twitter and it was super depressing. All it really did was remind me why I need to make the most immediate moment enjoyable and the best for me. Not other people, me. You either come on the ride with me or I drop you into an active volcano.
At any rate, I’m tired. More tired of trying to help people and not ever feeling appreciated.
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